I’ve become THAT person. You know who I’m talking about….
The one where every time you call them, they tell you about their latest ailment or adversity in life.
- or -
The one where you cringe when the phone rings because you know by answering you can say goodbye to the next hour because you’ll assume the role of instant counselor. For the hundredth time!
The one where you find every reason in the world to hang up with them, because their laundry list of issues just wear you slap out.
The one where you roll your eyes and say, “Lord, send that person a friend, but please, Jesus, don’t let it be me.”
Welp, I’ve become THAT person. And I’m so over me; I can only imagine how those closest to me must feel!
Life is just hard right now. Plain and simple. It’s literally been one thing after the other. And I don’t play the part of Debbie Downer very well. I keep thinking/hoping/praying I can turn a corner. But each corner I turn, just leads me to one more hard thing. And it happened again this afternoon concerning my mom.
Many of you know my mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 3 years ago. She’s not been doing well since March, (about the time our friend Chris was at his sickest and passed away). She’s definitely gotten the (very little) leftovers from me the last few months, and I won’t even get into the guilt I feel about that. My mom’s experiencing a pretty hard “episode” with her MS, much like she did when she was first diagnosed, and is just really sick.
Between my back issues, vein surgery on my leg, and a few other things, I literally had a mini meltdown on the side of the road today. After I hung up with my mother, I pulled over, sat in my car and just screamed. Naturally the tears followed. It all just feels like it’s too much. Thankfully, I’m smart enough to NOT say, “what’s next.” I’m fully aware of how that question can be answered.
Once I calmed down a bit, I literally said to myself, “Oh my gosh, there’s no way I can tell anyone about this. I won’t have any friends left. Oh my word. I’ve become THAT person.” And that’s when I heard His still small voice….”Carmen, you can talk to Me about it.”
I don’t have much tonight, but for some reason I feel led to write a few things. This isn’t for everybody, it’s just for us….”THOSE” people. : )
Just my random thoughts in no particular order.
• It’s OK to feel overwhelmed.
• It’s OK to cry.
• It’s OK to be sad.
• It’s even OK to not feel like laughing. (Trust me, I’m struggling with this one)
• It’s OK to not have all the answers.
I also think it’s OK to be quiet for a season, and just pour your heart out to God. We don’t have to pick up the phone or text with each new installment. Honestly, I’m at a place now where I don’t even want to answer my phone. I don’t even feel like talking. Sometimes we just have to make our way straight to the cross. Please hear me clearly, I am not saying to isolate yourself. Satan wants nothing more than for you to think you’re all alone. But what I am saying is that if you’re in a similar season as me, where it feels like you’re getting a refresher course in learning how to do “hard”, we HAVE to remember that we don’t have a High Priest who is out of touch with our hurts, but One who can sympathize with our weakness. (Hebrews 4:15)
And I love this one from Isaiah:
A few other scriptures I’m holding close tonight:
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.
But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.
God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
I love the LORD because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.
1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
Of course, I could go on and on…..God’s word is full of His promises to us. So, if you happen to find this post tonight, I hope it encourages you that you’re not alone and that God is with you. I’m certainly not writing it to solicit prayers (I’ve worn out my 2013 limit on asks! Kidding) But, I am writing to say if you feel like you’ve become THAT person. Be THAT person with Jesus tonight.
I love you! And I am praying that God is near to the hurting this evening. I pray that you feel Him in a real and tangible way. I don’t feel like being strong tonight, and the good news is, we don’t have to be.