Yesterday wasn’t so great of a day . . . but as the scriptures say, “Joy comes in the morning” And when I received this email from Ed, a listener in St. Pete . . . I not only felt “joy” but had an all out belly laugh!
Last Friday, I told the women in our audience about a revolutionary new clothing that I had discovered that boasts vanishing lines . . . meaning you don’t have lines where you don’t want them! The “breathable silicon” material (their words – not mine) helps everything stay in place and not gather to give a smooth look. Having a huge megaphone that covers roughly a third of the state, I felt it was my obligation to inform the women in our audience of such a great invention.
One more thing I must mention . . . I believe I asked all of the men in the audience to turn down their radios for 2 minutes while I had a “chat” with the women. Interestingly, most of the feedback that I’ve received (including my associate pastor!) has been from MEN!
Ed’s email . . .
Subject Line: “the product”
Perhaps you will enjoy hearing about something you instigated…..
Last Friday you felt compelled to share with the listening audience about a product you had discovered which was almost revolutionary. My wife and I have been married 23 years and her birthday was the next day, so I listened intently to hear if it was something that would make my wife happy. You were so enthusiastic about, yet so discreet that I didn’t know what exactly it was….but after years of buying the wrong gift for my wife, I was determined to do it right this year. I jotted down some words you had said and called my wife’s friend, but she wouldn’t get the message until much later that day. I finally decided to call a female elder from our church and told her I have an embarrassing question to ask her. I explained what I knew about the product, but didn’t know exactly what you were talking about and she exclaimed, ” Oh, she’s talking about lingerie! Soma is the name of the store that sells it. It is a great product…I buy it myself.” We laughed about my embarrassment and she told me where I could purchase it. A couple of hours later I left work and dashed over to West Shore Plaza to buy my wife’s birthday gift.
I went into a Chico’s store because my friend had told me that it owned Soma. Five sales women were busy behind the counter, facing the wall and chatting with each other, so I waited patiently until one of them was done. A customer asked ” Did I cut in front of you?” I replied, ” No, I am just wondering where I can find a store called Soma” All five women instantly stopped chatting and turned around – obviously a mans voice is a rarity there – and the customer explained that Soma is right next door. This is already an indication to me that I am not fitting in.
OK, so Soma is right next door and it appears it is all lingerie and nothing else. I tell myself ” I can do this”. I head straight to the counter and wait for a sales clerk to acknowledge me. I ask if she can help me and I mumble something about “Vanishing Line”. She walks me over to a display. I tell her the style my friend had recommended, and the size my wife wears….the nice young woman helps me select three colors and we head back to the counter. I share with her how I heard you rave about this product on Christian radio….I am thinking that hoards of women have already been to the store because of your recommendation and the sales clerk will understand how I came to be here, but she obviously has no idea what I am nervously babbling about….. The woman beside me is talking with another sales clerk about the right way to store this huge brassiere she is buying and I am looking in the other direction, wishing myself invisible, and consoling myself that my embarrassment will be over very soon….but my sales clerk is taking forever, wrapping the lingerie carefully in tissue paper before she puts it in a bag. Then she hands me this frilly little bag with the store name emblazoned on it, with these fancy rope handles…Great! Now get to walk through the mall with my prize hanging beside me – looking more like a purse than a shopping bag…when does this nightmare end?! I had intended to look around the mall a little bit longer, but instead I dart out the nearest exit I can find and get out of there!
OK, I’m not a total idiot. I knew the new chair I bought my wife for her computer desk wasn’t going to thrill her, even though I knew she needed it. And I spent all day with her on her birthday doing whatever she wanted to do, and she later told me she I had made her birthday really memorable this year. She is delighted with “the product” – Thank you Carmen, for recommending it!
…..but I do have this nagging feeling that the best part of my wife’s birthday isn’t the gift, or even the nice time we spent together. My wife does have a little bit of a dark side…and I think she is just vengeful enough after all these years of getting stupid gifts from me to be getting a lot of satisfaction out of the fact that Carmen put me through all this embarrassment. Maybe I’m paranoid, but my wife appears to have been walking around all week with a smirk on her face. It just keeps me wondering…….
Thanks for the God praising music and the fun!