Yesterday on the show I asked you to pray of my friend Chris. Pete & I have been friends with Chris & Kellie for almost 16 years. I was pregnant with Abbey when Pete came home from church one night after a meeting and said he’d just met a woman named Kellie. He told me she was super cool, and he thought we’d click. Well, obviously he knew how to pick ‘em because Kellie and I have been best friends ever since.  Without sounding cliche’, our friendship truly has endured the test of time.  I could write on this for days, but suffice it to say, God is good. And He has blessed us with the gift of each other. We often say we’re more sisters than we are friends. Kellie has seen the good, the bad, the ugly, and the really ugly in me. And she’s loved me anyway. Her husband, Chris, is the same way.  He loves unconditionally and is a friend to so many.

Pete & Chris. Windy Gap. December 2010

Here’s why I want you to pray.

The backstory:

Part 1. Kellie’s best friend from high school, Kym, battled breast cancer for years. Kym lost her battle to cancer a few years ago. Chris & Kellie were at Kym’s memorial service – standing and singing a hymn – when Chis passed out from the pain he’d been experiencing for several days. After the memorial, Chris went to see a doctor, only to learn he had cancer. It was a gist tumor. Clearly this was a one, two punch for Kel. Chris had surgery, incorporated some holistic treatment, and had been cancer free for the past two years. As recently as last September his scans were clean. Kellie had actually come by the station that day, and I remember cheering through teary eyes that we were another year, cancer-free.

Part 2. Chris’ older brother, Jimmy was diagnosed with melanoma about a year ago. Chris & Kellie were traveling back and forth to Atlanta caring for Jimmy. They made the decision to move to Roswell to care full time for Jimmy, and moved up there right before Easter of this year. I was jealous when they texted me telling me they were headed to Passion’s Good Friday services! Chris and Kellie had only been in Atlanta for a couple of months when Jimmy lost his battle at the end of May. Pete and I went up for the service. Chris memorialized his older brother in the sweetest, most honoring, and heart-felt way, leaving not a dry eye in the sanctuary.

Still fairly fresh in the grieving process of Kym, Kellie was now comforting her husband who was grieving his “bro,” Chris’ affectionate name for Jimmy.  Both victims of this horrible, evil disease called cancer.

Now for Part 3.

Three weeks after they buried Jimmy, Chris started to experience stomach pain. He went in for testing. His cancer was back. Another one, two punch.

I was driving home the Friday after Tropical Storm Debby. My phone rang and it was Kellie. I could barely understand her. She had just hung up with the Dr. after getting the news. As it turned out, they’d written Chris’ number down wrong, so the Dr. got ahold of Kel at work since they couldn’t reach Chris. She was pulling into the house to tell him. I was speechless. I played the tape in my head of what was happening in those moments. Of course, it would be a blow, but knowing Chris, he would be strong and face it head on. The Dr. wanted to see Chris right away that afternoon. After the visit, we learned he had 2 sizable lesions/tumors and many smaller ones on his liver and small intestines area.

Can I just pause right here and say how angry I was? Because I was!  And still am a little bit. But I know God is good. And I know He is in control. And I know He has good plans for us. And I know He is our Healer. And I know He can heal Chris.

Chris is one of the best men I know. He loves Kellie, his daughters, Hope and Caroline, and his family with his whole heart. Chris is the type of guy every woman would want as a husband, and every guy would want as a friend. His faith is unwavering, and he will give God the glory in every circumstance.  Even cancer. I (half) teased him the other day that he was the perfect candidate to be walking through this because he would be the one God could use to demonstrate to the world how you walk through a cancer diagnosis with FAITH, GRACE, and inexplicable PEACE. Naturally, I asked him to please stop being so perfect! Of course, he is flawed just like the rest of us, but there is a quiet strength Chris possesses that is very much seen and felt to all of those who get to call him family or friend. He’s been a YoungLife leader for years, and has pointed countless young people to Jesus. He’s so caring and so selfless. The other thing you need to know about Chris is that he is the picture of health! He’s an iron man! I can’t name all of the sporting events he’s participated in, but trust me, he’s done it all. Running millions of miles, cycling even more…all the while, coaching others to do the same. He eats as healthy as anybody I’ve ever seen (almost annoyingly so!) haha! I love you, Chris!! …and has a blog dedicated to all these things. 10:10 Wellness. He coached me, Kel and a few other of our girlfriends when I ran my first half marathon for my 40th. We definitely had the hottest coach! See pic below.

my 1st half marathon on my 40th! Chris coached us through it! Fawn, Alissa, me, Chris, Kel, Marci

We can already see God’s blessings in all of this. Just the weekend of the diagnosis, plans were already in place for Hope and her husband, Kip, to move from New York City to Tallahassee for Kip to start law school in the Fall. Chris and Kellie’s youngest, Caroline (Hope’s sister) is a student at FSU. It’s comforting to C & K  that Hope & Caroline are now together in the same town. One sidenote here: Chris, Kip and Hope are all Gators! But clearly Providence had a part in Kip choosing FSU.  On this same weekend, we (TMC) were scheduled to fly to Atlanta for the 1st ever Summer Cruise. (I mean, what are the chances? and that we’re even in ATL now?!) So 48 hours after Kellie called me, I was able to walk through her front door and be with my best friend. Of course she and I were crying, but eventually Chris said, “no more tears.” We went to Chipotle for dinner and then on to Passion City Church. Matt Maher led worship that evening because Louie, Shelley & Chris (Tomlin) were in Australia.  Matt led with the song he penned, “Your Grace is Enough.”  With both hands out stretched to the Lord, Chris sang, “your grace is enough for me.”

He believes it. And He lives it.

And I’m gonna believe it with him.

My partner, Dave, reminded me of the parable the other day about the persistent widow (Luke Chapter 18) who kept asking and asking and asking the judge for justice and help in the dispute with her enemy. She kept on praying, never giving up. Finally the judge granted her request just so she’d shut up! : ) I immediately thought, “I can do that! I got that down! I can be the persistent widow!” I will keep asking and asking and asking, always praying and never giving up! …. and I have been! Everyday. Throughout the day. Never ceasing.

As my extended family, will you join me in being persistent?  I know people get cancer diagnoses every day. But this one is so close to home. So personal. So please pray for Chris. For his complete healing. And pray for Kellie. My heart is broken in a million pieces for her. She’s been through so much. And I love her with all my heart. Pray also for Hope and Caroline. And for Chris’ sister, Cynthia.

I have a new level of empathy for those who are affected by cancer. Those directly battling it, or those whose loved ones are battling it. Praise the Lord our God is greater……

Chris has been blogging. I will be re-posting some of his blogs. Follow him here.

I’m not gonna go into all of the details here (gonna make you watch the video!)  But the short story is: Matthew (West) called us a few months back and told us his 1st single off his new record was called “Fogiveness” and that it was written for one of our listeners, Renee Napier. Naturally, we began a covert operation to surprise Renee with the song, and WITH Matthew!!

bill, carmen, matthew, renee, dave

This was hands down one of my Top 5 career moments.  Oh, and if you think you can’t forgive somebody, welp…Renee is proof positive you can. I love when she said: “choosing not to forgive is like you drinking the poison, expecting the other person to die.”

STOP what you are doing and watch this RIGHT NOW!

Matthew West – Forgiveness: Mother Forgives Drunk Driver Who Killed Her Daughter from matthew-west on GodTube.

Welp, by now you’ve heard that Tropical Storm Debby rained on the Florida portion of our Summer Cruise parade. But we didn’t let her have the last word! We decided to have a LIVE streaming acoustic concert with Dara at the Brown Stone Theater. You’ve never heard of it? Neither had we! But it’s a cool new venue that just opened up in Tampa. Ha!

Dara Maclean

In keeping with the theme of Tropical Storm Debby, we invited 3 “Debbies” to be center stage with front row seats. We quickly turned my house into a studio, AND a place of worship. Thanks to Hammy, the evening was captured on film, and you can see the recording here. I do want to make note that the “curtain” hanging over my real curtain is the backdrop Abbey & Becca made for the Princess Pasta back in February. Yes! February.

If you have some extra time, please give yourself the gift of hearing Dara’s heart. And not to mention, you’ll hear how crazy talented she is too! She’s got soul all the way down to her big toe!! We love Kirk too!

Enjoy.

Yesterday I posted an article I received last May from one of my dad’s friends, Bob. Providentially, mine and Bob’s lives intersected after the tornadoes in Alabama last year.

I’ve debated back and forth whether to post the article. I actually debated even last night whether to take it down or not, after I posted it. The description of my dad is so raw. So real. So honest…

Which takes me back to the afternoon that I read the article for the first time.

I was sitting in my office at the station late this afternoon. As I read Bob’s words, my mind could see vividly the images he was describing. I’d seen the same scenes many times myself. And I had received the same phone calls, driven the same routes. It was all too familiar. As I looked over the pages, there it all was … in black and white … all of my dad’s sin. All of the filth. All of the darkness … printed there in black and white. Documented.

Still crying, I gathered my things – including the article – got in my car, to drive the hour commute home. I replayed many tapes that afternoon. One of my dad almost literally running us off the road when he got kicked out of one rehab center and I was driving him to another. He wanted to stop for beer, and I wouldn’t exit off the highway. When we passed the next exit, he literally grabbed the wheel and forced me to take the exit. Spinning at the base of the ramp, I gave in and drove him to the convenience store. At 16 years old, I didn’t know what else to do. And wrecking didn’t feel like it was worth withholding a 6 pack from him.

The next minute I started laughing hysterically remembering the story of the false teeth and my dad calling K.L. to see if he “had an extra pair laying around.” Sad. But funny!! Perhaps I get my resourcefulness from him?

My PaPa Brown had a huge barn. He tore it down, and built a newer barn on another section of his property. My dad had an RV trailer they moved onto the old slab of the torn down barn. To this day, I still remember walking up to the RV and hearing my dad sing “My home’s on Perry’s slab” to the tune of the group Alabama’s “my home’s in Alabama….” He was drunk.

I don’t have a ton of memories. And most of the ones I do have are not good ones. But one of the last ones I have is when we lived in Mobile. My dad had moved down to Mobile because he wanted to be closer to me and Haley (his first and only grandchild). I didn’t know of his plans to move south until the phone rang one afternoon, and it was my dad on the other line. “I’m here. I decided to move today. I’m at the K.” I laughed at first because the name of the convenience store was “Circle K.” He asked where my townhouse was and if he could stop by. I told him he wasn’t welcome if he’d been drinking; that he wasn’t allowed to be around my daughter in that condition. So a few minutes later, he was at my front door, everything that he owned loaded in his car.

I invited him in. It was the first time he’d seen Haley. He cried.

He found an apartment and stayed in Mobile for a while. He quickly learned our routine and knew we got home around 1:30. I was enrolled at the University of South Alabama. Haley went to Mom’s Morning Out at our church while I was in class. We like to come home and take naps. I tried my best to get him to come around 4 p.m., but he’d usually give us til about 2:30 or 3. For several months, he would come over in the afternoon, warm up my morning’s cold leftover coffee, and play with Haley in the floor. The days he didn’t show up, I knew he was drinking. I can honestly say he never once showed up drunk; he honored my wishes to not be around Haley having been drinking.

One afternoon, Haley was sick. Her prescription was ready, but she was sound asleep in her crib. My dad knocked on the door to visit. I was conflicted. I really needed to get Haley’s prescription, and she was sleeping so peacefully, but could I really trust him to stay with her?  He was sober, and I knew I could ask him to sit with her for 15 minutes while I ran to the pharmacy. I gave him 20 minutes worth of instructions, and 30 minutes worth of warnings. I literally could’ve been there and back twice by the time I was done telling him everything I needed to say. Against my better judgement, I left to get Haley’s medicine. I literally was hyperventilating with fear that I’d just made the worst decision of my life. I raced back home, imagination going crazy. I ran in the house, in full panic, expecting something horrible. And there my dad sat, at the kitchen table drinking the nasty warmed up old coffee. Haley was still sound asleep in her bed. The expression on my face said it all. “You didn’t trust me, did you?” he asked. “no, I didn’t.” I said. I don’t remember exactly what was said after that but it was a cross between, “I’ve given you every right not to trust me. But I’m grateful you did.”

Eventually my dad moved back to NE Alabama. We were in Mobile a little while longer, and then we moved to Tampa in June of 1994. It was in November that I got the phone call that he had passed away in jail. As I mentioned yesterday, I don’t remember much about his funeral. It’s crazy, really, because I have a great memory. An excellent memory! But I don’t really remember that day. I just remember feeling the finality of everything, and that it would never be the way it was supposed to be.

Reading Bob’s article brought all of this back to the surface for me. Time has a way of dulling things. Seeing Bob’s words and description of my dad in black and white made it all real again. Through tears, and with these tapes playing in my head, I told God how much it hurt.

And that’s when I heard God speak these words to my heart:

“You know, Carmen, you have an article too.”

For a few moments on I-75, God gave me a birds eye view, and I could see a glimpse of my dad’s life from His perspective. A glimpse of my life.

Looking down, I could see my dad’s article. I could see my article. All there, printed out for God to see. Nothing hidden. All out in the open.

And then I felt God say, “but because of the cross, laid over your articles, I don’t see them.” I truly had this vision in my head of the cross literally laid over our documented, filthy and guilty articles. But because of Jesus, God looks down and our articles are covered.

It was a moment. A healing moment. And for the first time in 40 years, I saw my dad as clean. I saw him whole. Healthy. Sober.

So on this Father’s Day, I can say with the sincerest of hearts, that I do look forward to seeing my dad in Heaven one day. Clear-eyes, and made new. I look forward to hugging him. And letting him know I forgive him.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. -Psalm 51:7

Tomorrow is Father’s Day.

The last few days I’ve thought a lot about an article I received last May after our Giftcards for Alabama outreach that helped a tornado-torn community near my hometown of Jacksonville. I’ve actually debated for a month or so on whether or not to share this article on my blog. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt my family. But God has redeemed and healed a deep wound in my heart, that I really can’t not share. This is only part 1, though.

There are a thousand “only God” details I could share with you that happened this time last year, but just know for sure that through a series of well-orchestrated, providential events, Bob found me online as he was searching to hear the interview we’d done with his pastor. Bob had no idea the morning show page he was searching for would lead to me, Carmen, daughter of Ken. Bob reached out to me, and we exchanged several emails. I cried as I read each one. (for whatever reason, I don’t remember much of my dad’s funeral services; I’m blank on that day except for riding in the car with my aunt. I also remember not feeling anything.)  Eventually Bob sent me this article (I’m sharing a portion of it) he had written about my dad. I was sitting at my desk late one day, when I opened Bob’s email and read the following. Years worth of hurt, regret, pain, dysfunction, and anguish made it’s way to the surface that afternoon. Alone, I bawled my eyes out, grieving what I never had, grieving what would never be, grieving what I didn’t in November 1994.

Bob nailed my father. He captured him perfectly in this article.

Tomorrow, I will share part 2. And the “moment” God healed this broken daughter’s heart.

Meet my dad….

It’s my last morning on the beach. Everybody has gone home. My girlfriends back to Nashville. My family back to basketball practice and jobs.

I went for a run yesterday afternoon on the beach. As I was jogging (running would be an exaggeration!) along the shoreline, I glanced out at the ocean as far as my eye could see….and then I’d glance back down as a few waves here and there would run up over my feet. Half laughing/half shaking my head, I said, “God, you really did tell the ocean to stop right here.”

Think about that for a minute. The God of the universe not only told the water where to stop, but He’s also the author of every single heavenly light in the sky, too. The sun. The sunset. The stars.

And yet He knows every single thing about us.

Reflecting over the many conversations I’d had with my girlfriends the last few days….all being at different stages and places in life…one common theme prevailed: He truly does work it all for our good. He can be trusted. He is merciful. He gives good and perfect gifts.  And He knows exactly how it’s all gonna work out.

I am grateful my friends have chosen wiser and have done/and are doing things the right way. I am grateful for the influence they are over my daughters!  I will confess at times, I have regret. I wish there was a do-over button I could push. I wish I had known better. I wish, I wish, I wish….

BUT….on the beach yesterday, I was reminded that every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord. I think sometimes we get the good part. But we don’t necessarily get the perfect part. Beth Moore says it this way: “His perfect gifts are perfecting us.” I needed (and still need) a lot of perfecting!! With age comes wisdom, and I can look back over my life and see how even in the middle of the hardest and darkest times – some of my own doing. some not – He was still there. Beth Moore says this about her own life. I can identify.

I can look at my life in retrospect and see how several of those things morphed into gifts. I am convinced that desperation became a gift to me because if saved me from a life of medicroity. Gray wasn’t an option for someone as self-destructive as I was. Looming disappointment from some key people in my life also turned into a gift. I couldn’t get anybody to mend or tend to my tattered soul the way I craved. A lifetime of snuggling up to folks with scissor-hands scars you, but those scars become a road map that leads straight to Jesus. There He becomes the uncontested love of your life and the unexpected fountainhead of cleaner affection for others. Every gap in your life makes room for the Lover of your soul. God uses time to unwrap presents that appear as curses. 

Gratefully, God has been merciful on my memory. He truly has turned ashes to beauty. He sees me very differently than how the enemy of my soul wants me to see myself. God did not come to condemn us. He came to give us life. And that we live it fully.

One of the good and perfect gifts God has given me is to allow me to do life with you. Tears fill my eyes each time I think about what an absolute privilege it is I get to do this journey with so many of you.  I almost can’t stand it! I love our community so much. I love the honesty and realness we share. I love that our eye is on the prize …. Heaven awaits! We may crossover bruised, battered, blistered, and broken. BUT…we will cross the finish line!

I have to pack up now, but I want to leave you with this….no matter what you’ve done, or where you are in life, or how you view yourself, you are NOT too far gone from God’s saving power. He loves you, He wants you, and you – yes, YOU! – are His most prized possession. Listen to Him. Choose to believe Him. Accept Him. Let His love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness wash over you. Accept His good and perfect gift….Jesus.

20 lbs down. 15 to go!

I’m happy to report that I’ve officially lost 20 lbs! Right around Christmas, I got on the scales and realized I weighed the most I’ve ever weighed WITHOUT being pregnant. Ewwwww!  The sad part is I put this 20 lbs on in the last 2 years while training for half marathons. How crazy is that?  I basically gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted because “I was training for a half marathon.”  Wow. I wish I had a nickel every time I said that before stuffing my face with another slice of pizza or red velvet cupcake.

I’m now back at the size I was when I wanted to lose only 15 lbs.  I’m so grateful I’m back at the starting line, but  really ready to go the extra distance to be where I want to be…once and for all. And get this stupid monkey off my back! I always said after I had Haley … “if I could just get back into my bathing suit.” After Abbey … “if I could just get back in my jeans.” If I’d had a third, it would’ve been … “if i could just get back in my moo-moo.”  True.

This is how motivated I am right now: The other night I was in a hotel. They had left a cookies & cream candy bar on my pillow. First of all, I hate white chocolate. It’s way too waxy & sugary for me. BUT…having had no sugar in a long long time, I was seriously considering it.  I opened the wrapper and even stared at it, contemplating whether to break off a corner and reward my 20 lbs with a small bite. As I broke off the corner – and arguing with myself in my head the whole time – I found myself continuing to break the candy bar into a million little pieces. I then glanced around the room and thought, “what can I do with this candy bar to ensure that I don’t eat it?” There was no battery acid anywhere, so I walked into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet. I flushed in 3 segments, fearing I might back up the toilet. Can you see me now calling maintenance for a clogged commode? Maintenance guy: “tummy upset?” me: “nope. just flushing candy bars.”

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done with food to ensure you wouldn’t eat it? I will share your answers on the show next week!

I wasn’t an easy person to live with this past weekend. For various reasons – unmet expectations, miscommunication, fatigue, selfishness, and simply just being in a funk – I was a pretty big snot to my family. While I may’ve been “justified” in some of my feelings, my terrible emotional response was the furthest thing from Christ-like and certainly not something I am proud of.

Gonna be pretty honest here….I am grateful we’ve built a community where we can be. My motivation is always to share and show that I am a work in progress.

On Sunday, after my first tantrum, I went for a walk, pouring my heart out to the Lord. I was crying one minute and yelling the next. And I definitely did some yelling. After I got home from my walk, round 2 began and it ended with slammed doors and slammed hearts. The scripture about not letting the sun set on your anger – I didn’t obey it.

When the sun rose yesterday morning, the hurt, anger and pride were all still there. I didn’t pray on my way in, and I didn’t listen to scripture via YouVersion as I usually do. But – as typical – I confessed my sin to Dave and Bill as soon as I walked in the studio. I’m pretty good at spilling with them. They’re a captive audience. Because they have to be. Poor guys…

We do a planning meeting on Mondays at lunchtime, choosing a random local restaurant as our “off campus” office. Yesterday, the restaurant we chose had changed their hours, so we headed down the road to a place we’d never been before. We were finishing up our meeting, when Krispy and I had resorted to singing and “dancing” in the booth to the 70′s & 80′s music that was playing overhead.

That’s when I noticed Alan. (I didn’t know that was his name at the time.) At first glance, I could see Alan had a disability. It was clear his body moved involuntarily, but he grabbed my attention because he really seemed to be singing & dancing along with us, across the restaurant. I thought it was precious. We were the only ones still there, so I spoke over the dining room, telling him I saw him gettin’ down with us! I assumed (wrongly) the woman he was with was his caregiver, and after a few minutes, felt like she may’ve perceived I was making fun of Alan. I was mortified at even the thought, so I asked Krispy to let me out so I could walk over and make additional congenial conversation, in hopes of clearing any misconceptions.

And that’s when the Lord used Alan to give me the attitude adjustment I so desperately needed.

As I was walking over to the table, the beautiful – AND BUFF! – blonde woman Alan was with, was on the phone. Alan was so excited seeing me walk towards him. And in the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you I assumed (wrongly!) that Alan was mentally challenged and probably had the capacity of a child.

I couldn’t have been MORE wrong. Seriously wrong.

When I reached the table, Alan, unable to speak, grabbed his iPhone and typed out “your Carmen from the Joy FM.”

tears.

He knew who I was.

My pathetic, selfish self.

I nodded and said, “yes, yes I am.”

He typed: “I recognized your laugh.”

I continued to nod and hold back the tears.

He went on: “y’all called my business’s name last year at share-a-thon.”

I grabbed his phone and typed: “what is your name?”

He typed back: “I can hear.”

I typed: “ok”

He typed again, “I can hear.”

I grabbed his phone again. And that’s when it sunk in! He can hear! I don’t have to type! We laughed.

He type-told me he listened to the station all the time, that he was a photographer, and that’d he’d love to come out and take pictures anytime for us.

I was stunned. I had so many emotions wash over me, especially shock that he wasn’t intellectually challenged at all! Mentally, he was just fine! I was also ashamed. Ashamed that he thought I was somebody I wasn’t. Somebody that I’m not. If he’d been privy to the last 48 hours, he would’ve seen a very different Carmen. Alan told me I had no idea how excited he was to meet me. Truth was, he had NO idea how happy I was to be meeting him! In those very moments, God was breaking my heart and bringing me back to center. There was such a purity in Alan, an innocence. He was so genuine with absolutely no pretense. It’s so humbling to meet folks who are clearly living to please the Lord, and not this world. And unlike me – so many days – living to please ourselves. God was gently lifting my eyes back up to what was most important in life, and that it was certainly NOT what I was so bent out of shape about over the weekend.

When Stephanie hung up the phone, I introduced myself. I asked, “…and you are?….”

Stephanie: “his wife.”

Stunned. Again! And more emotions mixed in…admiration. questions. humbled. But mainly just so deeply touched God would allow our paths to cross with these new friends. We spent the next 45 minutes visiting and getting to know one another. Stephanie had her laptop there and showed us Alan’s photography and video work. It was so great!! And then they told us about a ministry they’re involved in, Care 2 Tri, that helps disabled individuals do things they wouldn’t otherwise have an opportunity to do. Mainly, triathalons. (think Team Hoyt.) BTW, did I mention Stephanie was BUFF? Goodness gracious! She’s beautiful! It became obvious that she was equally beautiful on the inside. She and Alan have been married 17 years. Because of his genetic illness, Wilson’s Disease, Alan slurs his words making it nearly impossible to understand him. But Stephanie doesn’t miss a beat! She understands his language and speaks it fluently. She’s been a volunteer with Care 2 Tri for a while and is also on the Board of Directors. She’s currently training for her first event on May 26 (my anniversary, oh btw) in which she’ll pull a carriage so someone handicapped can participate in a 5K. They volunteer together, and Alan most recently took pictures at the St. Anthony’s event in St. Pete. What a team they are! And what sweet spirits they both have.

I got in my car and burst into tears. I was so grateful that this time God chose to “discipline” me with new friends who left me speechless. I repented for my selfishness and pride, praying sincerely, “Lord, help me decrease! And give me more of you, Jesus. Oh how I need You. Every hour I need You. And thank You that You are so merciful with me.”

As often is the case – or maybe it’s just because I’m in the music biz – I heard with new ears, a song I’ve been listening to for months. It’s Christy Nockels‘ “For your Splendor” on her new cd Into The Glorious.

here’s the line:

“Sometimes it’s hard to grow when everybody’s watching. To have your heart pruned by the one who knows best…
with my roots deep in You. I’ll grow the branch that bears the fruit….”

My heart needed some pruning. I am grateful our Father loves us enough to do it.

I walked in the back door. I saw Abbey first. Still crying, I told my youngest, “sometimes mommas need to apologize too.”

new friends, alan & stephanie

You have shown me the way of life, and you will fill me with the joy of your presence. -Acts 2:28

for the last few weeks, i’ve been looking specifically for a prayer journal. who knew they’d be SO hard to find?!  seriously, try finding them! now admittedly, i wanted a spiral bound (easier to write in) and there were certain categories or tabs i wanted included. but last night i accepted the fact that what i was looking for does not exist. so…i got over myself and bought a regular lined journal. sometimes, i can get so caught up in the packaging & presentation that i forget the point.

and the point is i want to be more disciplined in prayer. i also want to pray consistently for those that i say i’m praying for. i’m sometimes good at praying the 1st prayer, but rarely is there a 2nd or 3rd. just being honest. but, i wanna be better. i want to commit to pray for my family, my friends, and our community on a regular basis!  AND, i want to spend more time WITH Jesus.

do you have a journal? prayer journal? any tips or advice on what’s been helpful for you?  help me do it the “write” way! haha. kidding! i know there is no right way. but i’d love to hear from some of you seasoned journalers.

hey guys,

this saturday, several of us from team freedom are getting together at the underground in ybor city to learn more about how we can get involved with created. i originally only sent this to our team freedom members, but the more i thought about it, the more i felt there may be more of our listeners in the tampa bay area that might like to get involved with this ministry even though you weren’t involved with our run earlier this year.

so…. i know it’s last minute, but if there are any of you that are interested in coming, please put your email in the comments section of this post, and i will send you an evite for saturday. we’re getting together from 1-3.

this is not an “official” JOY FM event, but more something i am doing personally. however – of course – things that i am personally involved in always spill over to the show. that’s why we call it “doing life together!” this organization is very near to my heart, and i’ve gotten to know many of the women of created. and i love their hearts and their ministry. you may’ve heard devony & april’s stories when we had them on air a few months ago, as well as joann & keisha’s,…the ones who make it all happen.

here’s a partial screen shot of the evite:

if you'd like to come, send me your email addy in the comments section of this post, and i'll send you evite.

an important note to those coming:

please read carefully