My daughter, Haley, blogged a few months ago about her battle with weight. If you missed it, you can read it here. I was proud of the courage she showed, sharing her deeply personal struggle. I’ve heard from so many of you…wanting to know how she’s doing, or wanting to let her know that you struggle too. And some of you simply are wanting to root her on! Both of our hearts were tendered by your sweet words. Speaking for myself only, I know all about letting the scale determine how we feel about ourselves. A few pounds up … it can bum you out for the day. A few pounds down … you literally wanna skip to the closet to put your clothes on! It’s literally a roller coaster ride of insanity! All of our numbers and goals are different, but I’m pretty sure we can all relate to the feelings and emotions.
All this said, I’ve been SO proud of Haley! She’s down 20 pounds!! I asked Haley to give us an update. Here’s what she sent me:
For the last couple of weeks, I have been living in a weight loss haze, as I have decided to call it. I have been going through the motions of eating healthy, but feeling emotionally disconnected from the new lifestyle changes I’ve been making. I kept finding myself distracted and unfocused on my goal. One of the commitments I made to myself when I started this journey was to dive all in. I told myself that if this time was going to be the last time (meaning, my last time to truly lose the weight that I’ve battled for so long), I had to make weight loss something that influenced and impacted my entire lifestyle from the things I ate, to the things I read, to the things I thought and prayed about.
Somehow I had found myself going through the motions with an almost apathetic state of mind. I decided to have an intervention with myself. I was driving to work the next morning literally saying out loud, “Haley you have to get your head in this. You have been distracted, unfocused and unmotivated. If you don’t pull it together and get your head in it, this will be over before it even really begins.”
I thought I had taken care of my “state of mind” problem, but I was so wrong! My pep talk boosted me up for a couple of days, but eventually that faded.
Until a couple of days ago, I couldn’t figure out why the last two weeks have been so much harder than the first few.
But then I figure it out….
Throughout this journey, I have only been looking one week into the future. I didn’t want to overwhelm myself by the whole journey so I allowed myself to only worry about one week at a time. And it had been working, until two weeks ago. I was having some quiet time a couple of nights ago when it hit me. I had been trying to do this alone. I woke up that Monday morning and started my weekly journey without the ONE person that I absolutely need by my side: God. I didn’t realize it but I had stopped praying for guidance and support. I had stopped talking to God about my cravings and asking Him to help me crave Him more than food. I had stopped making this a spiritual journey and simply made it a physical one.
I was letting the distractions of everyday life consume me. I allowed my thoughts to be clouded and my attention to be altered. I started seeing success in my journey and I let my guard down. For me, this has always been a spiritual journey. I re-started the “Made to Crave” devotional on YouVersion. I’m on Day 1 again and I’m already seeing the impact of starting it over again. Lysa writes, “The process of getting healthy has to be about more than just losing weight and focusing on ourselves… It’s about recalibrating our souls so that we want to change for the right reasons. I’ve realized that a healthy eating plan can be one of the most significant spiritual journeys I’d ever dared to take with God.”
I am down 20 pounds so far. I am very happy I hadn’t started putting weight back on. That being said, I knew that if something didn’t change within me, I was on the brink of another failed attempt at losing my weight.
If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.
Psalm 139: 9-10