If you’ve listened to me anytime at all, you know I am the proud momma of 2 daughters. Haley is my oldest & Abbey is my youngest. They couldn’t be more opposite in personalities, yet they both keep me laughing all the time! I love them so much, and being their mother is the greatest JOY of my life!
Haley just recently graduated from USF. She is a bright, articulate, and talented young woman. Her leadership skills are second to none, and she’s taught me a thing or two the last few years! Seriously, there have been many times, I’ve sat and listened to her dissect or talk through something, and I think to myself, “where did she learn this?” Besides being extremely smart, Haley is the most caring person I know. She’s compassionate, tender, and loyal to all the people in her life. She’s quick on her feet, and I know if I need something done – and done right – I can call Haley. She’s also extremely anal JUST LIKE ME, and her OCD kicks in often…which I personally think is a positive! Because she’s my daughter, I could go on and one, but I’ll end with this: The thing I love most about Haley is how much she loves Jesus. In some ways, Haley is not only my daughter, she’s also my best friend, and my sister in Christ. Some of our best conversations have been talking about Jesus and what He’s done in our lives.
But like all of us, Haley’s not perfect, and she has struggles too. Actually, one in particular that she’s battled her whole life. I’ve invited her to share what that struggle is here on my blog. I am convinced there are people in our community who struggle with the same thing. I’ve encouraged Haley to write. I think writing is powerful, cathartic, and healing. And I’ve encouraged her to write about it as it’s happening, as opposed to looking at it through the rearview mirror. As a mom, I want nothing more than for my daughter to be free from anything that is holding her back from all that God has for her! But on the flip side, it’s also very hard, as her mother, to let her put herself out there like this (and just FYI, all negative comments will be deleted – Momma Bear says!) But for those of you who struggle – or have struggled with something similar – I hope you can encourage my daughter, or perhaps she can encourage you to join her in the journey she is beginning.
Meet my daughter, Haley…..
Haley, I am so proud of you! This takes so much courage, baby! But, I know God is gonna bring you unimaginable blessing with your willingness to be so vulnerable. As I’ve told you every year on your birthday, YOU made me a mommy! And I am so thankful God picked me to be yours!
I am not a writer. I’m not even sure where I want to begin and what I want to say but I am going to be completely honest. And being this vulnerable is the scariest thing I have ever done.
I’ve had one major battle I’ve fought my entire life: my weight. I went on my first diet in the fourth grade and haven’t stopped looking for the magic solution since. Over the last five years, I’ve been on several weight loss journeys that have all ended after some considerable progress. I quit on myself before I even gave myself a real chance to succeed. I would slip up and convince myself that I’d failed once again.
Another reason this is hard is that I am fully aware of the stigma that comes with being overweight. I don’t want pity. And it’s really hard to draw attention to something you’ve been trying to hide your whole life.
But as a twenty-two year old college graduate, enough is enough. I haven’t quite found my place in this world, so for now I’ve decided to focus on me. I’m finally deciding to lose the weight once and for all. It’s hard to write this number because it’s a lot of weight to lose, and I could easily get down on myself and quit before I start. But here’s the number: 130. Yep, I need to lose over a 100 pounds. It’s overwhelming to think about it, but every journey starts with one step, right? I don’t know what this next year is going to look like but I know it won’t be pretty… or easy.
Something about this time feels different, though. I’ve realized that until I deal with my problem head on and bring God into the center of my food addiction, I will never succeed. So for me, this is more about my spiritual journey than my physical one.
About a week ago, I started “Made to Crave: 21 Day Challenge” by Lysa TerKeurst. If you are struggling with ANYTHING, go and start this devotional immediately! It’s available on the YouVersion Bible app and online. From the first day this devotional has broken me. I want to share a little with you now:
“I had to get honest enough to admit it that I relied on food more than I relied on God. I craved food more than I craved God. I knew it was something God was challenging me to surrender to His control. Really surrender. Surrender to the point where I’d make radical changes for the sake of my spiritual health perhaps even more than my physical health. Part of my surrender was asking myself a different question, a really raw question. May I ask you this same question? Is it possible we love and rely on food more that we love and rely on God?”
I want to surrender my food addiction. I want to finally be free.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139: 23-24
Today starts my journey to freedom. I hope this is a safe place to do it. I do fear what people will say. But, I told my mom, “nobody’s going talk bad about an alcoholic who’s in rehab….” So, I hope by acknowledging my struggle, I can do two things:
1. Call it out into the open.
2. Find a community where we can encourage one another.
Thanks for your prayers. I will pray for you too!