JOY Stories
Karen
God is still good
It began in 2010 on a rainy day in December. I envisioned leaving our wedding reception with fake snow lovingly being tossed at us. The fake snow was actually mashed potato flakes and when mixed with rain, the result was being pelted with mashed potato fastballs. We were 2 hours into our marriage when I realized God’s plans don’t always align with ours. Fast forward to 2013. My husband, Ben’s back pain had gone from flare-ups to daily pain. In 2015 we decided on surgery. The disc re-ruptured in a few months and we were right back where we started. Chronic pain touches everything. You isolate yourself because you are exhausted from putting on a smile.
On November 11, 2018, I broke. Ben was getting ready to go to church with me when his back spasmed and he fell. Blood was everywhere. I cleaned him up and helped him to his chair. Then I sat in my closet and cried. I was angry. I wasn’t prepared for this. Ellie Holcomb sings, “My voice is worn out from crying for help and I am praying you’ll remember my name.” Once in a store, I heard a kid pitching a fit. His mom was seated next to him. Just sitting. She wasn’t trying to quiet him. I remember thinking what a beautiful picture that was of God sitting with me when I pitched a fit. That day in my closet, He was right next to me. He was not offended by my anger nor frustrated with my crying. He was there.
I prayed for God to tell me how long this “season of suffering” would be. I was ready to endure if He would give me a timeline. And it hit me. Ben may not get better this side of Heaven. And yet God is still good. I realized my love for God wasn’t tied to whether or not He changed my circumstances. He didn’t need to heal Ben for me to feel better. I long for that, but I truly long for eternity when Ben will have a new body and we will know no pain. God is teaching me what true love means. He is teaching me what it means to honor my husband and what it means to hold loosely to the things of this world. “Relief may come and go, but hope remains anchored despite the circumstances before us. Our hope is in the One who will not let one fracture of our story go unredeemed.” - Julie Lowe
Photos for Karen
PHOTO 1 of 13